Vamp it Up

“The Vampire,” originally aired March 7, 1994.  Nostalgia and spoilers within.

This episode is terribad hilarious.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.  Until someone drowns you.  Rude.  Mac goes to the funeral of this drowned guy a few days later, and asks what happened, of course, since these are his rock n’ roll friends.  Mac is comforting the deceased’s daughter when he feels the buzzing and goes to investigate a guy named Ward he knew a while ago.  Mac pursues and punches, but he punches Joe instead.  THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING A CREEPER, JOE.  CREEPERS GET PUNCHED.  Anyway, in this flashback, Mac has a friend (Henry) who is super superstitious about vampires, and his concern seems to be affirmed when his business partner dies by two marks in the neck.  HMM.  So Henry admits they went to Transylvania and desecrated a church.  CURSED.  THEY ARE CURSED.  But they did hire a professional vampire hunter, so.  (lol, what show am I watching right now?)

“I can imagine a great deal” <- Mac is the square Han Solo?

Eventually, he meets Ward for the first time, the family legal counsel, and you can tell he’s probably the one trying to be a fake vampire because of his blonde dye job.  And there are DRAMATIC GUITARS as the “vampire” prowls.  THIS EPISODE IS HILARIOUS.

Anyway, so it’s been 200 years, but Mac thinks that Ward is still a serial killer in Paris.  (And it IS also the guy who plays the husband in “Till Death” which explains so much of his familiarity /recognition).  Anyway, apparently Ward has to kill people to get married.  Weird MO.  And the vampire hunter!  CRACKS. ME. UP.  “This fabric belongs to Ward’s coat, Ward is a vampire, now I get to kill him!!:O!!!”  lol, what even, friend.

As Joan wrote for this episode: “Show us HOW OVER THE TOP you can take this.  Aaaaand action.”

Of course, Ward isn’t a vampire, so the stake doesn’t work, and Ward stakes the hunter for great poetic justice.  Then Mac confronts him.  AND HE WAS SPORTING A SWORD CANE.  NICE.  So Mac in the present figures out that he’s marrying into money again and is going to be marrying the rock star’s daughter.  OF COURSE.  So Mac has to go find her father to save him from Ward (while listening to Queen on the drive.  ofc).  He doesn’t save her dad, but Mac gives the best quote for the series of why he can’t tell her the truth about her fiance: “What am I going to tell her?  That he’s an Immortal and he once pretended to be a vampire, and he killed her father and uncle, and you can’t go to the police, because I’m going to behead him.”  ROFL.  Immortal Problems.

So Ward/fake vampire/imitation David Bowie tries to set Mac up, but Joe+Mac combo powers get Mac to the place where his wedding is supposed to be.  Mac interrupts and beheads him (not AT the wedding…just outside…but it’s going to be hard to explain this to the daughter).  But Joe and Mac are working towards being friends.  That will have no negative consequences<3

Oh, dear, Season 2.  Thank you for this episode.

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