#cant #just cant

“The Darkness,” originally aired October 18, 1993.  Nostalgia, spoilers, and a whole lot of tears within.

Some creeper kidnaps loved ones, holds them in a pitch black basement while he wears night vision goggles, and then fights the Immortals when they try to save their significant others.  Wow, asshole.  Which, though, you wouldn’t think fighting in pitch black would put Immortals at that much of a disadvantage, because it’s not like the pitch black of a cavern or something which is REALLY UNPLEASANT.

I bet you can guess what’s going to happen to our happy gang by the end of this episode.

But in the meantime, they’re happily at a bar being playful and fun and adorable, while Richie hits on a palmreader, who is disturbed by Tessa’s hand.  Maybe she saw the first few minutes of the episode and she can guess where we end up, too.  Tessa’s a little freaked out, but Mac tries to console her (while, meanwhile, having a flashback to his own experience with a gypsy woman who cursed his relationships.  So he had to fight her brother for honor:/).  Impulsively, he asks her to marry him, and she says yes, obviously.  And they spend a while being sickeningly romantic and amazing and building us up JUST TO BREAK OUR HEARTS.  Unfortunately, someone is definitely stalking him.  But while Mac is literally running one guy down, the other guy comes and gets Tessa.  SIGH.

Tessa chats with the guy and realizes he’s a Watcher/Hunter, not for the morality of ‘humans are the best’ but because it’s a rush.  Awesome.  Extra creepy flavor of Hunter.  Mac goes to the palmreader to try to figure out where she is (because…cops are not okay to call in with anything dealing with Immortals), and all the psychic gets is animal heads, so Mac goes to talk to the local taxidermist.  But there, Mac chases yet another stalker, but this one falls to his death.  WAY TO GO, MAC.

Richie and Mac explore, but Richie tries to have a feels talk about why he hasn’t been married, and they are such saps, but then they go back to looking for Tessa who must be bored out of her mind.  She’s too good for this.  She would seriously tear this guy’s eyes out if she could.  She’d feel guilty about it, but.  She does try to break out with her fork and her chair, though, unfortunately, when she gets to the road, the driver just thinks she’s crazy.  YOU COULD HAVE SAVED HER, RANDOM DRIVER BYSTANDER.  BYDRIVER?  SHE WAS THISCLOSE.  Thankfully for her and our crew, the palmreader does have some real psychic ability, so she does more readings for them and sees the house with some stained glass.  Mac manages to find the house on some 90s database, and the fight begins.  Mac uses the matches the palmreader gave him to mess up the guy’s night vision goggles.  Tessa is released, all is well.  Richie takes Tessa home while Mac snoops around the house for Hunter details and they all live happily–

Wait.

WAIT.

A RANDOM MUGGER SHOOTS TESSA AND RICHIE FOR NOT GIVING HIM ENOUGH STUFF.

I

CAN’T

WITH

THIS.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, HIGHLANDER.  I LOVED THEM.  AND NOW THEY’RE DEAD.  I HATE YOU.

But wait, there’s more–Richie comes back while the sad tones of Kansas’ “Dust in the Wind” begins.  And we are sad for the rest of the episode as we montage through how much Tessa meant to everyone.  Don’t talk to me.  Don’t even look at me.  I will never get over Tessa.  I don’t know why they needed to do this to me, but.  They did.  They did, and it was such senseless and brutal killing which I guess is the point because the real world is dangerous, not just the fairy Highlander world, BUT IT HURTS.

I know they had been hinting at Richie’s immortality since the first episode, however, so that’s nice continuity.  Otherwise, this episode is just one big knife in the back.  And after this, I legitimately cannot care about Mac’s other romances, even with Amanda.  Tessa.  Teeeessssaaaaaa.  The sassiest woman of them all.  We will remember you fondly. Sniff.

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But lol for the random Taxidermist: “If God didn’t want women to wear fur coats, why’d He invent mink?”

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