How the Beastmaster has Fallen

“Mountain Men,” originally aired November 14, 1992.  Nostalgia and spoilers within.

Synopsis: ROFL, like “An Innocent Man,” this episode revels in redneck/evil woodsmen stereotypes, with this time Beastmaster and his boys staking out their land.  As you do.  What even, but at least this is an entertaining terrible.  Tessa the sass master [Tessass?] and her white T-Bird go out to explore this land, and shock of shocks (I know you didn’t see this coming), she gets kidnapped by the Beastmaster (Caleb) and co. to be his wife.  Right.  When Tessa doesn’t show up at home, MacLeod heads to the hills to find her.  So he’s tracking her, and the ranger is tracking her, and Tessa is trying to leaves clues because she’s not worthless and Marc Singer is not as attractive when he can’t speak to animals.  Especially Kodo and Podo (side note: I think I like this episode just because I adore Beastmaster.  I want ferrets and I will name them Kodo and Podo).  But when you put several stubborn, fairly unhinged mountain men together, the infighting over Tessa soon begins.  Sigh.  But MacLeod has all his ~Native American Knowledge~ to track them, and increasingly over the episode gets dirtier and less clothed.  The real point of this episode, I think.  There is also slow motion.  I don’t even know what is happening with the characterization here.  I still sort of hope Beastmaster Caleb can understand the bird cries.  He can, apparently, guess that Tessa had an immortal boytoy just from looking at her (lies).  Tessa is the only smart and clever person in this episode, though, turning the family more against themselves.  A+.  Caleb and Duncan fight, beheading, etc. etc.

Also, why does Duncan look surprised after he takes Caleb’s head?  I mean, really.  At least Richie managed not to break anything for one episode?

Favorite Quotes:

Big John: “A sword?” (The only person to ever notice it.)

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